Dear Sir or Madame (as the case may be);
Re: Need Help
I recently purchased one of your doo-hickies, and I can't seem to get it to open it's Early Warning System. Since this the first of your products I have purchased, I thought I might try hooking it up to my turnip, but without the EWS I can't tell when the turnip has fully completed its cycle. As we both know, an incorrectly cycled turnip may well become dangerously unstable, causing my left nut to hurt . Why do condoms filled with helium rise, but persimmons in my shorts cause my Volvo to get less mileage?
While we're on the subject, I seriously doubt your promise of making everything much bigger in one cycle. In my neighborhood, we practice safe recycling, therefore I cycled and recycled the turnip until the sprockets fell off and went flying into my nuts (thus the previous paragraph). It should come as little surprise to you then that my concern at the failure of the doo-hickie EWS has led me to contact the governmental licensing agency, responsible for said device, regarding this issue. In addition, I respectfully request a fair and reasonable market- value compensation for the damage to my nuts. Cashews are not easily replaced around these parts! Unless you wish to hear from my lawyer, who can beat up your lawyer,