A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender "Hey! Wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a hushed voice,
the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something.
The BARTENDER is blonde, the BOUNCER is blonde,
and I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb blonde with a black belt in karate.
What's more, the guy sitting next to me is 6'2,weighs 225 lb
and he's a blonde weight lifter." He continues,
"The fella to your right is blonde, 6'5" and pushing 300 lb and he's a wrestler.
Think about it seriously, Mister. You still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind guy goes: "Nah! Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
____________________

A homeless man stops at a farmhouse to beg to spend the night. The farmer answers the door and says "Sure, we can put you up."
The vagrant washes up for dinner and meets the family downstairs. Sitting at the dinner table are the farmer, his wife, their son, and a gigantic pig who is sitting at the table like a human.
Throughout the meal the vagrant tries not to stare at the pig, who sports three medals around his neck, as well as a wooden leg. Finally, he can contain his curiosity no longer. He asks "Would you mind telling me about the bronze medal around your pig's neck?"
The farmer says "Sure. It's really an incredible story. Little Timmy here was swimming in the lake when he got a cramp and started to drown. This pig heard his cries for help, busted out of his pen, ran to the lake, and saved our son's life. So, we gave him the medal." The vagrant is amazed and says "Well, how about that silver medal?"
The farmer says "A few months ago our house caught fire in the middle of the night while we were all sleeping. This pig saw the flames, busted out of his pen and ran into the house, waking us up in time. To show our gratitude we gave him that silver medal."
The homeless man says "While I'm at it, I might as well ask you about the gold medal." The farmer says "My wife was attacked by a burglar several weeks ago. This pig heard her cries, busted out of his pen, and chased that man far away. To show my thanks I gave him that gold medal"
The homeless man sits in awe of the pig, who is blithely eating his meal with a knife and fork. He asks "What about the wooden leg?"
The farmer says, matter-of-factly, "Well, you don't eat a pig like THAT all at once!" ____________________

THE LATEST LANGUAGE SKILLS
LEARN CHINESE IN FIVE MINUTES


English: He's cleaning his automobile
Chinese: Wa Shing Ka

English: This is a tow away zone
Chinese: No Pah King

English: Is there a fugitive here?
Chinese: Hu Yu Hai Ding?

English: Small Horse
Chinese: Tai Ni Po Ni

English: Your price is too high!!!
Chinese: No Bai Nut Ding!!!

English: Did you go to the beach?
Chinese: Wai Yu So Tan?

English: I bumped into a coffee table
Chinese: Ai Bang Mai Ni

English: It's very dark in here
Chinese: Wai So Dim?

English: Has your flight been delayed?
Chinese: Hao Long Wei Ting?

English: I thought you were on a diet?
Chinese: Wai Yu Mun Ching?

English: They have arrived
Chinese: Hai Dei Kum

English: Your body odor is offensive
Chinese: Yu Stin Ki Pu

English: You know lyrics to the Macarena?
Chinese: Wai Yu Sing Dum Song?

English: I got this for free
Chinese: Ai No Pei

English: Stay out of sight
Chinese: Lei Lo

whew! does this bathroom stink
HU FLUNG DUNG?

Obviously, yes! Duh! ;-)

...with reference to the question about being in the forest two messages above...

This message was edited by GregoriusM on 08/21/02 14:15.15.

I didn't find MBTI, but I came out as an Artisan:

All Artisans (SPs) share the following core characteristics:

*Artisans tend to be fun-loving, optimistic, realistic, and focused on the here and now. 
*Artisans pride themselves on being unconventional, bold, and spontaneous. 
*Artisans make playful mates, creative parents, and troubleshooting leaders. 
*Artisans are excitable, trust their impulses, want to make a splash, seek stimulation, prize freedom, and dream of mastering action skills.



Artisans are the temperament with a natural ability to excel in any of the arts, not only the fine arts such as painting and sculpting, or the performing arts such as music, theater, and dance, but also the athletic, military, political, mechanical, and industrial arts, as well as the "art of the deal" in business.

There are many Artisans, perhaps 35 to 40 percent of the population, which is good, because they create much of the beauty, grace, fun, and excitement the rest of us enjoy in life. The four types of Artisans are:

There are Four Artisan Character Types:

Composers(ISFP) | Crafters (ISTP) |Performers (ESFP) | Promoters (ESTP)

This message was edited by Larry Fine on 08/20/02 23:08.44.

Now that's a good Joke, Larry . . . nyuk! nyuk! nyuk!

and I am Master of the Universe!

Hey, Moe!

A male fish swims into a bar and eyes a pretty girl fish. "What's your sign?" he asks. "Aquarium," she answers. "Good," he says, "let's get tanked."

Mildred and her two sons, Charlie (16 yrs) and Mikey (9 yrs) live in a high-rise building on the 11th floor. She leaves the apartment to go grocery shopping, but when she gets to the car in the parking lot, realizes she forgot her car keys upstairs. Their apartment faces the parking lot, so she yells up. Charlie pokes his head out the window. She yells "Throw down my key! Throw down my key!"

So he throws his brother out of the window.

What???

Ain't gonna sucker ME in, John!

Heimlich Maneuver

Geese!

C'mon, nobody got it? Jeez - who'da thought Remote Central was primarily blonde?

The kid's name was Mikey.
The mother yelled 'My Key' to be thrown down.
It was the 11th floor, and the older kid misheard!

Maybe you will have to explain it five times!

Obviously you've yet to appreciate the surreal nature of some of the responses.