A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender "Hey! Wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The BARTENDER is blonde, the BOUNCER is blonde, and I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb blonde with a black belt in karate. What's more, the guy sitting next to me is 6'2,weighs 225 lb and he's a blonde weight lifter." He continues, "The fella to your right is blonde, 6'5" and pushing 300 lb and he's a wrestler. Think about it seriously, Mister. You still wanna tell that joke?" The blind guy goes: "Nah! Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
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A homeless man stops at a farmhouse to beg to spend the night. The farmer answers the door and says "Sure, we can put you up." The vagrant washes up for dinner and meets the family downstairs. Sitting at the dinner table are the farmer, his wife, their son, and a gigantic pig who is sitting at the table like a human. Throughout the meal the vagrant tries not to stare at the pig, who sports three medals around his neck, as well as a wooden leg. Finally, he can contain his curiosity no longer. He asks "Would you mind telling me about the bronze medal around your pig's neck?" The farmer says "Sure. It's really an incredible story. Little Timmy here was swimming in the lake when he got a cramp and started to drown. This pig heard his cries for help, busted out of his pen, ran to the lake, and saved our son's life. So, we gave him the medal." The vagrant is amazed and says "Well, how about that silver medal?" The farmer says "A few months ago our house caught fire in the middle of the night while we were all sleeping. This pig saw the flames, busted out of his pen and ran into the house, waking us up in time. To show our gratitude we gave him that silver medal." The homeless man says "While I'm at it, I might as well ask you about the gold medal." The farmer says "My wife was attacked by a burglar several weeks ago. This pig heard her cries, busted out of his pen, and chased that man far away. To show my thanks I gave him that gold medal" The homeless man sits in awe of the pig, who is blithely eating his meal with a knife and fork. He asks "What about the wooden leg?" The farmer says, matter-of-factly, "Well, you don't eat a pig like THAT all at once!"
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THE LATEST LANGUAGE SKILLS LEARN CHINESE IN FIVE MINUTES
English: He's cleaning his automobile Chinese: Wa Shing Ka
English: This is a tow away zone Chinese: No Pah King
English: Is there a fugitive here? Chinese: Hu Yu Hai Ding?
English: Small Horse Chinese: Tai Ni Po Ni
English: Your price is too high!!! Chinese: No Bai Nut Ding!!!
English: Did you go to the beach? Chinese: Wai Yu So Tan?
English: I bumped into a coffee table Chinese: Ai Bang Mai Ni
English: It's very dark in here Chinese: Wai So Dim?
English: Has your flight been delayed? Chinese: Hao Long Wei Ting?
English: I thought you were on a diet? Chinese: Wai Yu Mun Ching?
English: They have arrived Chinese: Hai Dei Kum
English: Your body odor is offensive Chinese: Yu Stin Ki Pu
English: You know lyrics to the Macarena? Chinese: Wai Yu Sing Dum Song?
