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The following page was printed from RemoteCentral.com:
Favorite Steven Wright sayings
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Topic: | Favorite Steven Wright sayings This thread has 13 replies. Displaying all posts. |
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Post 1 made on Thursday September 8, 2011 at 14:09 |
goodnf Select Member |
Joined: Posts: | October 2002 1,744 |
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I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. One time I went to a museum where all the work had been done by children. They had all the paintings on refrigerators. When I was crossing the border coming back from Canada, they said, "Do you have any firearms?" I said, "What do you need?"
Last edited by goodnf on July 11, 2012 13:34.
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I'm just a sheep in wolf's clothing... |
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Post 2 made on Saturday September 10, 2011 at 14:36 |
Neurorad Super Member |
Joined: Posts: | September 2007 3,011 |
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I drive way too fast to worry about my cholesterol.
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TB A+ Partner Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense. -Buddha |
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Post 3 made on Saturday December 31, 2011 at 23:04 |
bradpuddephatt Long Time Member |
Joined: Posts: | December 2011 57 |
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I have a large seashell collection, which I keep scattered over the beaches of the earth.
I'm a peripheral visionary. I see everything, just way off to the side.
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Post 4 made on Monday January 2, 2012 at 20:34 |
bennettavi Active Member |
Joined: Posts: | August 2003 675 |
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I was told I couldnt have a dog in my 2nd floor apartment, so I bought a horse. Sometimes, I like to ride him into the kitchen and make a sandwich.
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Post 5 made on Tuesday January 10, 2012 at 13:34 |
Neurorad Super Member |
Joined: Posts: | September 2007 3,011 |
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I'm having an MRI next week. They're testing me for claustrophobia.
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TB A+ Partner Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense. -Buddha |
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Post 6 made on Tuesday January 10, 2012 at 20:57 |
highfigh Loyal Member |
Joined: Posts: | September 2004 8,385 |
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"I have a life-size map of the World".
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My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder." |
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Post 7 made on Friday January 27, 2012 at 22:24 |
bradpuddephatt Long Time Member |
Joined: Posts: | December 2011 57 |
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I got kicked out of a casino after having a heated argument at the roullette table over what I considered an "odd" number.
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Post 8 made on Wednesday March 28, 2012 at 14:12 |
Andrea Whitlock Welcome Back |
Joined: Posts: | June 1999 1,209 |
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I don't match socks by colors. I go by thickness.
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OP | Post 9 made on Wednesday July 11, 2012 at 13:36 |
goodnf Select Member |
Joined: Posts: | October 2002 1,744 |
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I bought some used paint. It came in the shape of a house.
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I'm just a sheep in wolf's clothing... |
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Post 10 made on Tuesday September 11, 2012 at 13:12 |
Neurorad Super Member |
Joined: Posts: | September 2007 3,011 |
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I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.
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TB A+ Partner Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense. -Buddha |
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Post 11 made on Tuesday January 29, 2013 at 01:42 |
BigWood Super Member |
Joined: Posts: | January 2004 2,836 |
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if man evolved from apes,........why do we still have apes
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Post 12 made on Friday June 28, 2019 at 19:25 |
I accidentally put my car key in the lock of my apartment door. The whole building started up.
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Post 13 made on Sunday August 11, 2019 at 15:49 |
FunHouse Texas Active Member |
Joined: Posts: | June 2013 596 |
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I'm not afraid of Heights - I'm afraid of widths..
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I AM responsible for typographical errors! I have all the money I will ever need - unless i buy something.. |
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Post 14 made on Tuesday September 7, 2021 at 14:02 |
Michael M Founding Member |
Joined: Posts: | September 2001 8 |
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I was in a general store, and they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.
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