HER: OH DOCTOR, I'M IN TROUBLE.
HIM: WELL, GOODNESS GRACIOUS ME.
HER: FOR EVERY TIME A CERTAIN MAN
IS STANDING NEXT TO ME.
HIM: MMM?
HER: A FLUSH COMES TO MY FACE
AND MY PULSE BEGINS TO RACE,
IT GOES BOOM BOODY-BOOM BOODY-BOOM BOODY-BOOM
BOODY-BOOM BOODY-BOOM BOODY-BOOM-BOOM-BOOM,
HIM: OH!
HER: BOOM BOODY-BOOM BOODY-BOOM BOODY-BOOM
HIM: WELL, GOODNESS GRACIOUS ME.

HIM: HOW OFTEN DOES THIS HAPPEN?
WHEN DID THE TROUBLE START?
YOU SEE, MY STETHOSCOPE IS BOBBING
TO THE THROBBING OF YOUR HEART.
HER: WHAT KIND OF MAN IS HE
TO CREATE THIS ALLERGY?
IT GOES BOOM BOODY-BOOM BOODY-BOOM BOODY-BOOM
BOODY-BOOM BOODY-BOOM BOODY-BOOM-BOOM-BOOM,
HIM: OH!
HER: BOOM BOODY-BOOM BOODY-BOOM BOODY-BOOM
HIM: WELL, GOODNESS GRACIOUS ME.

HIM: FROM NEW DELHI TO DARJEELING
I HAVE DONE MY SHARE OF HEALING,
AND I'VE NEVER YET BEEN BEATEN OR OUTBOXED,
I REMEMBER THAT WITH ONE JAB
OF MY NEEDLE IN THE PUNJAB
HOW I CLEARED UP BERIBERI
AND THE DREADED DYSENTERY,
BUT YOUR COMPLAINT HAS GOT ME REALLY FOXED.
HER: OH.

HER: OH DOCTOR, TOUCH MY FINGERS.
HIM: WELL, GOODNESS GRACIOUS ME.
HER: YOU MAY BE VERY CLEVER
BUT HOWEVER, CAN'T YOU SEE,
MY HEART BEATS MUCH TOO MUCH
AT A CERTAIN TENDER TOUCH,
IT GOES BOOM BOODY-BOOM BOODY-BOOM BOODY-BOOM
BOODY-BOOM BOODY-BOOM BOODY-BOOM-BOOM-BOOM,
HIM: I LIKE IT!
HER: BOOM BOODY-BOOM BOODY-BOOM BOODY-BOOM
HIM: WELL, GOODNESS GRACIOUS ME.

HIM: CAN I SEE YOUR TONGUE?
HER: AAAH.
HIM: NOTHING THE MATTER WITH IT, PUT IT AWAY PLEASE.
HER: MAYBE IT'S MY BACK.
HIM: MAYBE IT IS.
HER: SHALL I LIE DOWN?
HIM: YES.
HER: AHHH...

HIM: MY INITIAL DIAGNOSIS
RULES OUT MEASLES AND THROMBOSIS,
SLEEPING SICKNESS AND, AS FAR AS I CAN TELL,
INFLUENZA, INFLAMMATION,
WHOOPING COUGH AND NIGHT STARVATION,
AND YOU'LL BE SO GLAD TO HEAR
THAT BOTH YOUR EYEBALLS ARE SO CLEAR
THAT I CAN POSITIVELY SWEAR THAT YOU ARE WELL,
JA-JA, JA-JA-JA-JA.

HER: PUT TWO AND TWO TOGETHER,
HIM: FOUR,
HER: IF YOU HAVE EYES TO SEE,
THE FACE THAT MAKES MY PULSES RACE
IS RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME.
HIM: OH, THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO
FOR MY HEART IS JUMPING TOO.
BOTH: OH, WE GO BOOM BOODY-BOOM BOODY-BOOM BOODY-BOOM
BOODY-BOOM BOODY-BOOM BOODY-BOOM-BOOM-BOOM,
HER: GOODNESS GRACIOUS,
HIM: HOW AUDACIOUS!
HER: GOODNESS GRACIOUS,
HIM: HOW FLIRTATIOUS!
HER: GOODNESS GRACIOUS,
HIM: IT IS ME.
HER: IT IS YOU?
HIM: AH, I'M SORRY, IT IS US.
BOTH: AHHH!