[Link: bbc.co.uk]

Star wars fans look here

[Link: worldspace.nu]

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A couple decide to go for a meal on their anniversary and after some
deliberation decide on their local Chinese restaurant.
They peruse the menu and finally agree to share the chef's special chicken
surprise.
The waiter brings over the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot. Just as
the wife is about to start in on the meal, the lid of the pot rises a
tiny amount and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around
before the lid slams back down.
"Jesus, did you see that?" she asks her husband. He hasn't so she asks him
to look in the pot.
He reaches for it and again the lid rises, and again he sees two beady
little eyes looking around before it firmly slams back down.
Rather perturbed he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening and
demands an explanation.
"Well sir", says the waiter, "What did you order?"
"We both chose the same", he replies, "the chicken surprise"
"Oh I do apologise, this is my fault" says the waiter, "I've brought you
the Peking Duck"

Michael Jackson song

[Link: media.ebaumsworld.com]

It's not paranoia if they really are out to get you.

http://id3.ytmnd.com/

[Link: toccionline.kizash.com]

Hmmmm.... nice to see the old thread is still hanging around!

Junior asks his Dad, "Daddy, how was I born?" His Dad sighs and
replies,"Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!
Well, you see, your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN.
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a
cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we
discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too
late to hit the delete button. Six weeks later your Mom sent me an
instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of
unauthorised program activity from a self-extracting file which had
implanted itself in her BIOS. Then nine months later a little Pop-Up
appeared and said: "You've got male."

40 Reasons Why It's Better To Be A Woman

1. When a ship sinks, women (and children) get off first.

2. A woman can hug her best friend without worrying she'll think she's gay.

3. Women can talk to attractive members of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.

4. A woman can never be blamed if it's wet on the floor around the toilet bowl.

5. If a woman cheats on her spouse everyone will assume it's because she was being emotionally neglected.

6. Women are capable of doing at least two different things to a passable standard at the same time.

7. Women live longer than men.

8. Women know how to cover up spots and other facial blemishes.

9. If a woman inexplicably disappears for two weeks, one of her friends will notice.

10. Women mature earlier than men (some men never mature at all).

11. There are times when chocolate is really the answer to all woman's problems.

12. Women don't feel uncomfortable with gay waiters or hairdressers.

13. A woman can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.

14. Women know the truth about whether size matters...

15. A woman can take a drive without trying to beat her best time.

16. If a woman forgets to shave, no-one has to know.

17. Women are capable of going longer than five minutes without thinking about either sex or football.

18. Women never lust after a cartoon character or the central figure in a computer game.

19. Women can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.

20. Women can cry and get off a speeding ticket.

21. A woman can get a whole new lease on life just by changing her lipstick.

22. A woman can congratulate her team-mate without ever touching her rear.

23. Women don't have to worry about catching anything important in their zipper.

24. If a woman says something stupid, most men will just think she's cute.

25. Women can admit to others when they've made a mistake

26. If a woman cries, she's sensitive; if a man cries, he's a wimp.

27. Women know who their children are without having a DNA test.

28. It's cool to be a daddy's girl. It's sad to be a mummy's boy.

29. Women can wear platforms - which is why there is no such thing as a short woman's complex.

30. Women can watch one TV channel at a time without getting bored.

31. Women have total control over their eyebrows.

32. Women can get drunk quicker and cheaper than men.

33. A woman's friend won't try to persuade her to get a tattoo while she's drunk.

34. A woman won't drive to Hell and back before she asks for directions.

35. Women aren't covered with hair like shag carpeting.

36. Woman don't feel threatened if their partner earns more than they do.

37. For women, a new season means a whole new wardrobe.

38. Women know exactly what buttons to push to get exactly what they want.

39. Women don't think reading the manual is a betrayal of all their species stands for.

40. Women can keep pot plants alive for more than a week.

An Irishman goes to the Doctor with bottom problems...

"Dactor, it's me ahrse. I'd loik ya ta teyhk a look, if ya woot?"

So the doctor gets him to drop his pants and takes a look.

"Incredible" he says, "there is a £20 note lodged up here."

Tentatively he eases the twenty out of the man's bottom, and then a 10 pound note appears. "This is amazing!" exclaims the Doctor.
What do you want me to do?"

Well fur gadness sake teyhk it out, man!" shrieks the patient.

The doctor pulls out the tenner and another twenty appears and another and another and another, etc....

Finally the last note comes out and no more appear.

"Ah Dactor, tank ya koindly, dat's moch batter . How moch was in dare den?"

The Doctor counts the pile of cash. "£1,990 exactly."

"Ah, dat'd be roit" says the Irishman.

"I knew I wasn't feeling two grand..."

A guy goes to a supermarket and notices a beautiful blonde wave at him and say hello.

He's rather taken back, because he can't place where he knows her from.

So he asks her, "Do you know me?"

She says, "I think you're the father of one of my children."

Now he thinks back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful and says...


"My god, are you the stripper from my bachelor party where I laid on the pool table with all my buddies watching, while your partner whipped my ass with wet celery and then stuck a carrot up my butt?
(highlight to reveal)
She says, "No, i'm your son's math teacher."

Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they
were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the
deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly
jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.
When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she
immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now
considered her to be mentally stable.


When she went to tell Edna the news she said, "Edna, I have good news and
bad news. The good news is you're being discharged; since you were able to
rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another
patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound
mindedness.


The bad news is Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in the bathroom
with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's
dead."


(highlight to reveal)
Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry." "How soon
can I go home?"

New words for 2005 Work-place

TESTICULATING
Waving your arms around and talking Bollocks.

BLAMESTORMING.
Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a
project failed, and who was responsible.

SEAGULL MANAGER.
A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, cr*ps on everything, and then
leaves.

ASSMOSIS.
The process by which people seem to absorb success and advancement by
sucking up to the boss rather than working hard.

SALMON DAY.
The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get
screwed and die.

CUBEFARM.
An office filled with cubicles.

PRAIRIE DOGGING.
When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's
heads pop up over the walls to see that's going on. (This also applies to
applause from a promotion because there ! may be cake.)

MOUSE POTATO.
The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato

SITCOMs.
Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into
when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the
kids or start a "home business".

STRESS PUPPY.
A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.

PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE.
The fine art of whacking the cr*p out of an electronic device to get it to
work again.

ADMINISPHERE.
The rarefied organisational layers beginning just above the rank and file.
Decisions that fall from the "adminisphere" are often profoundly
inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.
This is often affiliated with the dreaded "administrivia" needless
paperwork and processes.

404.
Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error mess! age "404 Not
Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located.

OHNOSECOND
That minuscule fraction of time in which you realise that you've just made
a BIG mistake (e.g. you've hit 'reply all')