Latest one......

Customer that did a really low bucks system a few years back calls me last night.

His remote (Sl-9000) doesn't work since he's never replaced the batteries since day one, so he just goes to the equipment and manually turns everything on, and then uses his "trusty" cable remote (which he has replaced the batteries in. Go figure)....

Anyway, he calls me at 9pm. Asks me just how the f*** can I get this sh** to work. What motherf***ing button do I push on this lousy POS to make it work?

I told him that he could push ANY button he wanted, and he could let me know tomorrow during WORKING hours what happened......And then I hung up

damn, that's pretty serious! I'm going to remember that one for next time...

Why are you talking to me like your life is my fault?

You have clearly mistaken me for someone who is listening to you... its a common mistake.

You're a fine American.

If you touch me again or so much as look at me in a manner that displease me... you will find yourself a grave man.

And the number one... said by a cohort to a really rude racist customer...
You know your daughter F%#&S just like your Wife!

Some time back, as a joke, I told a customer that I put the fire out. It went down in flames.

While we're walking through a large house/job, that I was in the process finishing up, a prospective client asks me what are the limitations of home automation technologies.

I replied;

"My imagination and your wallet and my imagination is pretty good, so how deep is your wallet?"

She laughed.

I didn't get the job.

I did a similar thing last week. We were running phoe, data, and video lines from a house to a detached shop area about 150 ft away. We entered the building all at one location, as he requested.

He then later said "you'll probably be pretty pissed when I ask you to move this to the other end of the shop".

I said "It's YOUR money"

I was just messin w the guy, but Im not sure he took it that way.

Nice one Frank;

Thing is, when you are concentrating on doing something and the customer says something daft, it is so aesy to just retort the first thing on your mind.

I said something similair to a client as FRR when asked about what limitation there was to picture quality and size with front projection;

"Really the only thing is the depth of your pockets"

Oh dear.

It was getting late, I'm at home doing the demo in my own lounge, so I'm pretty relaxed, right. Really wish I didn't say it, but it just came out!

Were now doing his son's cinema room and I think he'll come back when we've done his.

i like the pip post. that has to be the most true statement here.

I don't really see the terrible insult in this response. I take it to literally mean that the real limit to almost anything is the amount one is willing to spend.

If someone asked what would be the limit to how large a house can be, this would certainly be an appropraite response. Maybe that's just me.

If you have any questions, even stupid ones, just call me ANYTIME!

Never did that again.

customer " My TV is making a humming noise"


me "It must not know the words"

I have said the same thing to many customers (and still say call me to the RIGHT customers...) and had the misfortune of having to give my cell to a client, and he started to call day and night asking stupid questions over and over, usually the same question (and usually somewhat unrelated to the work that is/has/had been done for him) so for the first time ever, I programmed EVERY phone number that I had for him into my cell and labeled it "DO NOT ANSWER" (just incase I forget who he is)...so now he just gets VM and a return call the next day...maybe.

just laugh at them. i got called to a service call in which the customer said he had a bird behind his plasma. when i got there we pulled the plasma off the wall and it was the surge protector that had been hit.

"Dude. Can I date your daughter?"

This one hasn't backfired yet because it is only delivered when the spirit is light and there has already been plenty of joking.

The customer will ask about some much more expensive technology or product, and I will launch into a discussion that centers on size; the dimensions of the thing, how far it has to be from other components, wire lengths, etc, pure BS. Once they are convinced that I am talking physical dimensions, I twist it with "the main thing that this other product requires is a much larger check." I have said this maybe three times, and each time there is an almost awkward silence, a moment of "huh,?" before they get it. So far they have all cracked up.