Things you should say to a client when they call on Saturday after 10:00pm:

Are you bleeding? Because if you are you called the wrong number.

7:00 pm on a Sunday and I am relaxing enjoying a movie at home.

Ring ring.........

Customer: I cannot see the picture but I can hear the sound of the game.

Me: Is the TV on.

Customer: Oh, hold on...what remote is that one.

Me: the silver one that says Sony...on the top of the remote is a power button.

Customer: O.K. what button do I push.

Me: Are you on a portable phone?

Customer: Yes

Me: Punch the end button on the phone.

Customer: Wait a minute...that will end the call won't it. I bought all this as Costco and had you install it and I cannot even run the damn system...and your flip remarks are uncalled for...and (*&^&%$ and )(*&^&%$ and

Me: If you punch the "end" button on the phone all will be good. Now go turn the TV on and if you don't buy and all in one remote from me then feel free to call me but make sure you hit the end button on the phone. That will make me happy.


Next day I get an e-mail from the customer saying that he would never do business with me because I was flip with him. I admit I was and probably would never do the same again...but I was tired and sick of this jerk.

Turns out he gave me a bad ref on a job I lost that I really wanted.

Moral of the story: when you are pissed, even in good cause, try to be nice.............but if you want to get rid of the guy try telling the customer the truth. And don't be flip about it...unless you have had it up to here!!!

Customer asks if I can go any lower on the price of the speakers. Sure can, pulled the price tag off the speaker and threw it on the floor and said, Is that low enough.

Customer asks how the installation is going after being gone for a few hours. Great now that the fire is out.

go fu*$ yourself comes to mind....said that once

ed

But sir, I had no idea....your daughter looks so much older than twelve!

I told a guy "F@ckin' go to hell & please don't refer anybody cause life is too short & I do not need the stress!"

Run in the house holding a drill and yelling "Quick, where is the main gas shutoff?!!" (true story...)

Every time you open your mouth, I just think about my fishing lure's until the noise goes away..


SOOOO......You are going to hold my last huge payment hostage, over a problem that you caused....on equipment you didn't get from me????...They hate when you say that...


THXRick

I accidentally stapled your wife's mouth shut.

LOL

I had a real jerkoff call me a m-----rf----r about 12 times to my employees because I had torn up some wall to put a wire where he just had to have it. Since there was wainscotting going up over it... his ardor was hardly justified and there was NO other way to ge the wire where he wanted it (excuse me CHANGED it). My gys told me how hacked off he was and what he had said.

As I arrived that evening to my meeting with him my first words were "Steve... what evidience do you have that I have ever f----d my mother?

The rest of the quotation: "If that is your position, I'll bet the judge will also award me income lost to take care of this suit, court costs, parking and even lunch!"

Hey, wait a minute! Who said it was your mother? Maybe it was his.

after spending have the day pulling wires though a lesbian couples house,and them standing 10 feet away ,i yelled out to my co-worker "aaaaay Tony get me a pair of dikes" which he runs in with, and puts in my hands at the same time i turn around in time to catch a glimps of my deer in the headlights custumers.And then see the light bulb go on ,when they see the blue handled Channel Lock diagnal cutters put in my hand.......un f---ing believable!!!!

freaking hilarious!