After using the urinal, then walking toward the door, a colleague said "at my school they taught us to wash our hands after taking a piss." Churchill responded "At my school they taught us not to piss on our hands."

Another time, he was in a receiving line. A man was going through the line, shaking hands with person after person, with nobody paying any attention to him. When the man got to Churchill, he said what he had said to everyone else, "I shot my wife this morning." Without hesitation, Churchill said "I'm sure she deserved it."