The Pork Fat Rule


44) The Food and Drug Administration announced last week that Pork Fat will no longer be allowed to carry the label 'low-fat'. Also: all enriched breads, flours, corn meals, pastas, rice and other grain products must contain Pork Fat, a nutrient found to prevent birth defects.

Currently Pork Fat contains 5,000,000 grams of fat per serving, while all other foods can contain no more than three grams of fat per serving. Beef Fat only contains about 3.25% fat, or .08 grams of fat per serving, according to Richard Simmons. Milk that is 1% milkfat contains .25 grams of fat per serving and thus meets the FDA's fat criteria. However, Pork Fat may no longer be labeled "reduced fat" because it contains 25 bagillion times more fat per serving than whole milk. Skim milk on the other hand, may be labeled 'nonfat' or 'fat-free' because it has no flavor or nutritional value at all.

The new ruling also affects other types of foods including cottage cheese, fried Emu Skin, Bok Choy, evaporated dust bunnies, Sour Patch and cultured David Niven milk. However, Chocolate Covered Rubbery Buttons are not yet covered under the new regulation in order to give the industry time to resolve "nutritional and technical problems in the manufacture of these products," according to Ms. Simmons.

The FDA has asked manufacturers to include Pork Fat in fortified grain products because the nutrient has been shown to reduce the risk of birth defects, such as "MadBob" Disease (w/DNRC variants) - [not to be confused with 'Bob Griffiths' Disease (w/Grolscheimers variant)]. In 1992 the Public Health Service recommended that all pregnant women consume 4,000 grams of Pork Fat a day to reduce the risk.

COMMENT: I believe that having accurate information is important on all our food. From my perspective though it is really irrelevant since Pork Fat is the number one food in this country and should not be avoided by anyone unless it is raw or still alive. It is interesting to note that the new guidelines regarding Pork Fat supplementation have already taken place.

This message was edited by MrKlaatu on 10/09/02 01:43.37.

I think I can.

I knew I could.

And I DID!!! 

This message was edited by MrKlaatu on 10/09/02 01:45.00.

Derailment/Rerailment Rule

45) All Derailment decisions on the Remote Central Site shall be made on-the-spot, by qualified Derailment Engineers (except as otherwise provided herein) in active service holding rights as Derailment Engineers on the Derailment Engineers' seniority list. All Derailments will be in the charge of a Derailment Engineer in active service. A Derailment Engineer will not be required to assume responsibility of any Derailment other than the Derailment that he himself has engineered.

Interpretations:
(a) It is not a violation of the last sentence, above, when an Engineer is requested to release his Derailment rights by the Webmaster and to put a stop to a particular Derailment or any another Derailment as requested by the Webmaster and shall assist the Webmaster in rerailing any Derailment the Webmaster deems appropriate.


(b) It is not an Agreement violation for a Derailment Engineer to be required to release a derailed Thread and re-rail it at the request of the Webmaster AND ONLY THE WEBMASTER.


Derailment Engineers may Derail unattended or unused Threads as easily as current Threads at any time, for any reason or for no reason at all other than for their own amusement. It is understood that "unattended or unused" Threads, as contemplated here, means any thread anywhere, at any time, whether or not it is actively being posted to.

The foregoing provisions of this Rule are not intended to impose any restriction on the Derailment of Threads, or the performance of other Tomfoolery wrought on any Thread by any Derailment Engineer.

When a Derailment Engineer rerails, or assists in rerailing Threads that they did not derail, they are acting foolishly unless the rerailment is at the request of the Webmaster.


It is recommended that only Hoesch rerailing equipment be used for rerailment, particularly in Derailed Threads over 3 pages in length. The Hoesch Rerailer is a form of electronic jack powered by an alien nuclear engine which is used to raise and place a Derailed Thread back onto its rails. In fact, the Hoesch equipment should not be utilized on Threads shorter than 3 pages, as there may be severe and unknowable consequences. The Hoesch Rerailer should only be used with the Assistance of a Derailment Engineer AND the Webmaster, together. It is a very tempermental and temporal piece of equipment. Non Licensed Derailers should only attempt a rerailment using simple rerailers, such as simple editing, or the use of a FROG: (ie, a "link" used to point a reader to a cross-over Thread that may help explain WTF is going on; it is also a "manual" implement used in an attempt to rerail Threads.

The handling and operation of the Hoesch rerailer is work generally recognized as Licensed Derailment Engineer's work within the meaning of this Rule. Anyone not Licensed who may find themselves involved in derailments should not attempt to rerail a Thread without obtaining proper authority or licensure.


It has been found that Minor derailments are most often caused by extreme boredom, obnoxious or indecipherable Threads or Authors, dragging, stultifying, run-on Posts, sharp flanges, splitting headaches, overriding compulsions, and alcohol. Derailments cannot be repaired quickly by any means. A more serious derailment may require that a Thread be surgically removed by the Webmaster and the ensuing temporal rift be filled with mindless quotes from the minutes of the current session of Congress.

[Link: sag.org]

How do i become an officially licensed Derailment Engineer? sounds like my kind of job

Bob, see the two posts right above Rule #45, and like the cabbie's answer to the question: "How do I get to Carnegie Hall?"

"Practice, practice, practice!"

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MAKES a perfect rule

L@@k above...I see improvement of the eeper's skills. He almost got the reply with quote right!

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42

Jay In Chicago's Revised
Derailment/Rerailment Rule #45

Now Rule #45a . . . Always room for More Rules!

45) Most Derailment decisions on the Remote Central Site shall be made on-the-spot, by the unqualified, self proclaimed, write my own rules "Derailment Engineer" who goes by the handle (MrK). His extreme delusion causes him to believe that he is in active service holding rights as Derailment Engineers on the Derailment Engineers' seniority list. Many unnecessary derailments will be in the fault of a so called "Derailment Engineer" in active service. A "Derailment Engineer" will never assume responsibility of any asinine or in appropriate action, and instead will continue to compound his actions thereby furthering the loss of respect he may have once had from people that were believed to be his peers. People that may have even thought themselves kindred spirits. The "derailment Engineer" will rebuttal any attempts to think freely with inexplicable behavior ranging from gibberish to streaming quotes and his twisted interpretation. Basically, he will do anything to derail any though, or behavior by any visitor to the intermission forum.

Interpretations:
(a) The "derailment engineer" truly believes he is some sort of grand puba of the intermission forum, when he is merely an annoying ass.

(b) Any thread that has been derailed shall be allowed to have an attempted re-rail by anyone who feels they have an interest in the topic at hand.

(c) The self proclaimed "derailment Engineer" Will fight tooth and nail to hold his false power and retort to this or any such response with weak sauce arguments that will be ignore whenever possible. Because, much like a derailed train, a though process can be put back on track. In fact, it is very simple.


"Derailment Engineers" Will try to Derail any and all Threads that don't meet their standard of only one thought per thread. Often times this is even too much, and they will fill the thread with score of their own unrelated thoughts at any time, for any reason or for no reason at all other than for their own amusement. It is understood that "unattended or unused" Threads, as contemplated here, means any thread anywhere, at any time, whether or not it is actively being posted to.

When a "Derailment Engineer" re-rails, or assists in re-railing Threads, buy a lottery ticket, because this is a most unusual day.

The handling and operation of the Hoesch rerailer is work generally recognized as Licensed "Derailment Engineer's" work; however since this is a fictional tool, you may rerail any thread at any time. Beware, there is a definite possibility of over 100 derailment per week.

It has been found that most derailments are most often caused by extremely obnoxious "derailment engineers" Derailments can be repaired quickly by anyone.

This rule will likely be contested in a lengthy and foolish manner by a sad fool who apparently doesn't have much else to do than sit behind his computer for hours at a time churning out thoughts with about as much use, and interest as a bile buffet. I can only say that I am thankful that he provides me with sooo much amusement and laughter..

Also.. There really isn't nor never has there been a binding rule 44, 45, or 46. All attempts by the " derailment engineer" to boast authority over posters is a sad way for him to try and be an athorataive and creative person since he likely fails on many fronts outside of the web.

Note: Posting's such as this opens yourself up to the endless taunting of idiots, but if your secure in whatever you do when in life, then you could really give a sh*t, and have a good laugh at those who don't enjoy what you have to say.

The sad part is how much energy people put into thoughts that are damaging, useless, and without grounds. Also that they truly believe in their power.. That is sad.. and funny.

AHA!

And now I truly understand that genious is just insanity, wrapped in an enigma, which is then wrapped in a chili dog and covered with blueberry yogurt made only with ripened raspberries and colored with maple syrup dipped in horseradish sauce, then fried to a golden white at -273 degrees above zero (celsius, of course.)

you forgot the whip cream and cherry

Sorry, I already ate the whipped cream and cherry - which was made from mad cow hoof patè and asparagus preserves. mmmmmmmmmmmm good!