Had a builder that I got off on kind of a rough start with. Real ballbusting micro-manger type. Eastern European gent with a penchant for track suits, although he had probably never set foot on a track of any sort. I did my best to stay off his radar but he would seek me out, presumably just to make sure I wasn't feeling left out or something.

Delivered racks and I was starting my preliminary combing out of the trunk. I was sorting through several firehose sized knots of wire and he walked in the rack room and asked.

"Richie, are you sure you know what you are doing"
My response was a kind of annoyed "nope, haven't a clue… first time. I am sure I will figure it out eventually though"

He paused for a second… Then says "Know what... I like you…. Everybody always say they are expert. You no say you expert, that is how I know you know what you doing" (Imagine this said in a thick Yugoslavian accent).

From that day on, I never had any issues with the guy. Turned out to be a decent dude to BS with.

Yikes! I hard a mid-40's recent divorcee start drinking when I arrived once. Kept offering me scotch, and then more. That's not my thing, I would never step out on my wife, but I still love the story.

Craig

Me: Here is your bill the total is $$$$

Her: What can we do about this?

Me: What do you mean, you can pay it.

Her: No you don't understand, what can I do TO YOU to make this bill go away?

Me: You can pay this bill in full and then you can go away, forever.

In another life many years ago I had a young looker drop her car off at the shop with charging system problems letting me know she was off the The OC Fair for the day. Good looking girl in a short skirt and top drinking beer all day in the hot Southern California sun, what could possibly go wrong.

So I pop the hood and the alternator was unplugged, plugged it back in and done, shut the hood and park it. No Charge.

She comes back more than a little tipsy and I tell her the good news and she runs at me and jumps up and wraps her legs around my waist, puts her arms around my neck and try's to kiss me. First things first, when she jumped on me my natural reaction was to grab and support the weight flung at me, I found out she was commando under the skirt. I immediately removed my hands from supporting her and put my hands out to the side and asked her to get down. All this in front of a small crowd.

She apologized, got in her car and left.

That is awesome!

You win the Internets for the day!

Me: "These are just for show, it's all wireless anyways."

Customer calls, says needs some work done fast, they have an account with us.

We don't have what you'd call "accounts." I check the computer. A moment later I deliver the bad news: "Sir, having an open invoice for $600 for four years does not constitute an "account." I kept to myself that it constitutes a no-account client!

I can't help myself sometimes when taking a call from a customer.

Customer: My TV Doesn't work
Me: It won't even power on? Did you call a Electrician?
Customer: It powers on fine:
Me: Oh, I thought you said the TV didn't work. Did you mean you can't see a picture?
Customer: Yes
Me: what happens when you select bluray? Does it work then?
Customer:yes
Me: Unplug the cable box, wait 30 seconds and then plug it back in.
Customer: That worked thanks.
Me: So just for the record, Who was the problem?
Customer: The cable company
Me: Correct. However this call happens to be free of charge today.You are welcome

Another one from back in the day.

Friday night getting close to closing time and this very nice Bug pulls up to the bay door. The way that he pulled up and had the front wheels turned I saw the screw in the tire and heard the air leaking. He had pulled right up to the area where we did tire repairs. As he and his smoking hot lady all spruced up get out of the car, I am already pulling the screw out and putting in the plug.

I finish and adjust tire pressure and tell him, "Go on get out of here, you guys are obviously on your way to an event, no charge, don't be late."
His response, "Do you guys party? (This in the Miami Vice days)
Our response "Duh"
This guy went into our back room and "Took care of us" in grand fashion. Got in his Bug and left.

We closed and locked the doors and did not come out until the guy showed up for morning shift. The look on his face as we silently walked out was priceless.

Oh to be young again.

Winner!

I hear this all the time. Every project from everyone who walks past the control room.

The other one i hear at every project is "that goes in my van" or some version of that whenever we are carrying TV's into the house. Lately it has been with iPads also. I will have 10-15 iPads that i am opening and everyone makes a point to stop by and let me know that they will take care of any extras for me.

"It's yours as soon as your check clears".

We used to do a lot of work for this one archiitect, who also would act as the owner's represenative.

He always gave me a bad time about "charging too much for our labor".

Finally he build his own house and he decides he can pre-wire the house himself...

I get a call from him, "Hey can you guys come out and finish the pre - wire? Now, I see why you guys charge what you so much ... This sh*t is hard!"

He never complained after that!

It's just amazing what a little bit of personal experience can teach a person who's open to admitting he was wrong. You architect was displaying what MLK Jr meant when he said something along the line of "the most dangerous thing in the world is conscientiously applied stupidity."

Them:"I have a lot of people who I can refer to you, so make me a great deal."

ME: Anyone you send my way will earn you a referral rebate payment of $XX

Never. a. SINGLE. Referral...