Four guys who worked together always golfed as a group at 7:00a.m. on Sunday. Unfortunately, one of them got transferred out of town and they were talking about trying to fill out the foursome. A woman standing near the tee said, "Hey, I like to golf, can I join the group?" They were hesitant, but said she could come once to try it and they could see what they thought. They all agreed and she said, "Good, I'll be there at 6:30 or 6:45."
She showed up right at 6:30, and wound up setting a course record with a 7-under par round. The guys went nuts and everyone in the club house congratulated her. Meanwhile, she was fun and pleasant the entire round. The guys happily invited her back the next week and she said, "Sure, I'll be here at 6:30 or 6:45."
Again, she showed up at 6:30 Sunday morning. Only this time, she played left-handed, and matched her 7-under par score of the previous week. By now the guys were totally amazed, and they asked her to join the group for keeps. They had a beer after their round, and one of the guys asked her, "How do you decide if you're going to golf right- handed or left-handed?"
She said, "That's easy. Before I leave for the golf course, I pull the covers off my husband, who sleeps in the nude. If it's pointing to the right, I golf right-handed; if it's pointing to the left, I golf left- handed."
One of the guys asked, "What if it's pointed straight up?"
She said, "Then I'll be here at 6:45."

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Late one night, a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and
stuck a gun in his ribs. "Give me your money," he demanded.
Indignant, the affluent man replied, "You can't do this - I'm a United States Congressman!"
"In that case," replied the mugger, "give me MY money!"

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“I have to take every precaution not to get pregnant," whispered Sherri to her best friend June.
"But I thought you said your husband had a vasectomy," June responded.
"He did. That's why I have to take every precaution!" said Sherri.

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What An Idiot!

At 3 am a desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from a drunk guy asking what time the bar opens.
"It opens at noon," answers the clerk.
About an hour later he gets a call from the same guy, sounding even drunker. "What time does the bar open?" he asks.
"Same time as before... Noon," replies the clerk.
Another hour passes and he calls again, plastered."Whatjoo shay the bar opins at?"
The clerk then answers, "It opens at noon, but if you can't wait, I can have room service send something up to you."
"No... I don't wanna git in... Ah wanna gitOUT!!!"

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A pair of tourists discovered an abandoned well near an old farm house. Curious, they drop a small stone into the well, but they never hear it hit bottom. They search and find a larger rock and drop it into the well, but once again hear nothing.
They decide they need something larger and search the farmyard for a larger object. After much struggling, they manage to drag a large railroad tie to the edge of the well and drop it over the edge. Suddenly, a goat comes screaming across the yard and without any hesitation, dives head first into the open hole. The two tourists stare in dumb-founded amazement.
About then a farmer appears and asks them if they’ve seen a goat.
The tourists tell the farmer about the goat diving into the well.
"That couldn't be my goat", the farmer replies, "My goat was grazing in the field roped to a railroad tie!

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As Andrew waited for Judi to change, he began playing with her dog. He tossed it’s ball and the mutt fetched it. He threw it again, and watched the ball bounce onto and over the balcony of her high rise apartment with the dog in hot pursuit.
Later, Judi asked where Fido was?
He replied "Have you noticed him acting depressed lately?"

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I didn't go looking for these last two jokes, they just showed up on a Joke Page I subscribe to on my PDA, but I’m beginning to get a bit concerned. These two jokes, plus the one about the Donkey & the well, in my last Post, got me to wondering about omens.

I don’t own any pets at the moment, but someone I don’t even know recently described me as

"….the technical genious, who makes everything run smoothly. He is a rare beast."

Should I be avoiding “deep” or “high” places?
. . . This will be difficult, as I work in the Dungeon of a High Rise Condominium!!