SYMPTOM:Feet cold and wet. FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle. ACTION:Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.
SYMPTOM:Beer unusually pale and tasteless. FAULT: Glass empty. ACTION:Get someone to buy you another beer.
SYMPTOM:Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights. FAULT: You have fallen over backward. ACTION:Have yourself lashed to bar.
SYMPTOM:Mouth contains cigarette butts. FAULT: You have fallen forward. ACTION:See above.
SYMPTOM:Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet. FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face. ACTION:Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.
SYMPTOM:Feet warm and wet. FAULT: Improper bladder control. ACTION:Stand next to nearest dog, complain about her housetraining.
SYMPTOM:Floor blurred. FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass. ACTION:Get someone to buy you another beer.
SYMPTOM:Floor moving. FAULT: You are being carried out. ACTION:Find out if you are being taken to another bar.
SYMPTOM:Room seems unusually dark. FAULT: Bar has closed. ACTION:Confirm home address with bartender.
SYMPTOM:Taxi suddenly takes on colourful aspect and textures. FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations. ACTION:Cover mouth.
This message was edited by djy on 07/14/02 08:33.07.
