"So the denon 3802 off button actually changes the JVC tv to ZOOM only it doesnt scroll through the aspect ratio choices (full, just etc) it just goes right to Zoom."
Have you absolutely confirmed that this is whats causeing the TV to switch to ZOOM. If so, I doubt very much that the TV responds to IR commands when the TV is OFF. Try inserting a longer delay between TV off and receiver off. But either way, if the TV is defaulting back to ZOOM mode always, why not just add a Mode switch to the Turn ON sequence to put it back to Wide or whatever he prefers? This seems like a Simple solution to me. What am I missing?
"so im just not going to sell the denon receiver with a 50 inch JVC plasma.."
That sounds kinda rediculous to me..... I'm not a huge fan of the JVC Plasmas, but to avoid an issue instead of working through it seems like taking the easy way out.
The Sony 3000 remote is pretty flexible if you take a little time with it. The Sony ON and OFF sequences Can indeed be modifed on the 3000 plus it has a dozen or so macros that you can lable in the screen for him.