I just don't understand what you have going on in that device.
Blow out all the crap your kids wanted and reset the device.
I have an ipad one that is still fast. My mini after a couple of years is still
one of the fastest devices. No icloud sync. Most all of my location services are shut off. Don't email on the device, so make some changes and start again.

Do you throw out all your receivers because the soundfield is set up wrong?