This is way, way off topic Bruce; you can stop reading now if you're in a pissy mood. :-)

I take care of all the household finances as well as house "maintenance" tasks.

It occurred to me that if I died today, my wife would not have any idea about things like:
- when bills are due (most bills are paperless)
- account numbers, usernames, passwords for utilities, mortgage, etc.
- bank accounts. I don't even know if she knows all the banks I/we have accounts in.
- investment accounts
- my 401k account
- life insurance policies
- the fact that I have multiple life insurance policies
- auto/home/other insurance

She doesn't know my SS#, nor the combination to the safe.
For that matter, she doesn't have my PC password where I keep all the documents. She couldn't even get my SS# from our tax documents, because there are no paper copies. Maybe if she remembers the accountant we use she could at least get some sort of info about me.
Would bank release my information to her upon my death?

Because I take care of the house, my wife doesn't know about things like changing air filter, water softener, where the septic tank is or the filter for it.
She would not know how to deal with any number of automated systems in the house if any of them failed. Because of complexity of integrated systems that I've installed over the years I don't know if anyone could ever decipher how it all works together.


So the question is, how do you 'protect' your family from total collapse in case you kick the bucket?

I'm not talking about a will, which I don't have either. New Mexico is communal state, so when I go, she gets to keep everything, unless otherwise specified (like my life insurance which I specified that she gets 50% and my daughter gets 50%, IIRC).
For those that have done wills; do they include information about account numbers, power of attorney (or whatever surviving spouse needs to access/take over accounts), etc?

Do you have a list of all your accounts? Do you list things like emails and facebook credentials?
What about something as simple as passkey on the cellphone so surviving spouse can notify my friends about the funeral service? My wife doesn't have any of my friends contact information.

Read your post and look at what you have detailed- you already listed what you need to provide. Create a document with all of the info, with instructions that she gets it upon your untimely demise. You could keep it in a safe deposit box, since it has sensitive info, but make sure to keep it up to date if you need to change passwords, user names, etc.

A will is one option, you can designate a personal rep or power of attorney, but it's not a bad idea to discuss this with them when you do because they may be unwilling or unable to do this, so an alternate is a good idea.

I wouldn't put that kind of info on a cell phone, EVER.

And given that you have MULTIPLE life insurance policies, you need to make sure you dont really really piss her off! :)

Tape the safe combo under a desk or put it somewhere so she knows where its at. Put this list of "how to's" in that safe (if its a good fireproof one). I cant imagine she's comfortable now not knowing the combo now. Thats interesting in and of itself.

She would probably marry a doctor and no longer have to work.

In what part of your home is this safe located? Oh, and address?

Then you have to ask yourself why your wife is not more involved. And why you make her subservient to you.

And withing a few weeks she would be with somebody bigger and better than you anyways. :)

And how many bank account does she have that you don't know about.

You seriously need to be more involved with each other. Why is she so disconnected? Is she really that lazy or are you that controlling.

Seek marriage counseling now. Your relationship is dis functional.

Biggest area of concern!!!

Does she know your password to RC and will she continue to post for you here when your gone???

She doesn't need any of that stuff since she has you properly trained to do everything while she's off with her boy toy.

Who will, by the way, happily take over when you are gone... ;-)

You stole my answer. :)

So the question is, how do you 'protect' your family from total collapse in case you kick the bucket?

According to these guys, you need to spend some time with the boy toy and get him up to speed on all his future responsibilities.You can only get free milk for so long, right??

Exactly what I expected from you, goofballs. Thanks :-)
The fact that almost no one gave me a serious answer tells me that I'm over thinking this -- which is good.

I wasn't talking about putting info on the phone.
I was taking about providing/documenting passphrase or swipythiny FOR MY cellphone, so that she can access my contact list to notify my friends that I'm gone.

I maybe a little OCD, but I'm not a controlling tyrant and she's definitely not subservient to me.

We both hate paperwork, so no one wants to do it.
Because I excel at math and analytically problem solving, I drew a short straw and GOT STUCK with doing the bills.
Over the years I had to have asked her at least 15 times if she wanted to takeover the bills; guess what her answer is each time -- and who could blame her?

So while she's playing a saint to all the kids and grand-kids by saying "sure we'd love to help you with sponsoring this or purchasing that for you", I'm the asshole that has to check the bank account and when bank account has insufficient funds, deliver the disappointing news.

Am I really the only one that has primary role as bills payer?
I talked to several of my friends about finances and most tell me that either they or the spouse is in charge of daily paying bills and keeping track of the money.
I don't know of any couple that sits down daily or weekly and logs onto their bank account and together pays the bills.

And about the account that my wife doesn't know about; it was opened back in 2008 or 2009 for the sole purpose of using it to get a lower rate for a car loan (refi). In order to get the lowest rate, I had to do automatic payroll deposit to savings or checking Acc.
I opted to deposit few bucks every other week and even after we paid off the loan I never stopped.
Over the years few dollars has accumulated there.

As others have said, have that information in a three ring binder that she can get to if needed.

I would consult with an estate attorney to determine the advisability of setting up a living trust for your assets. You may find that, community property or not, without a trust in place, she may have to engage attorneys to settle things up properly, at $300 per hour, instead of having a fairly seamless transition.