Why are we at Post 6, discussing a relay, when that's not what you want to do? You really want to
On March 18, 2014 at 08:29, william david design said...
...create a circuit similar to a pair of 3 way switches with the relay being switch #1 and the light switch being #2.
We can rewire the switch to 3 way and I assume I could wire the relay in a similar fashion...
My first answer was completely vague because the thread title was completely vague. Now HERE is a topic!
I think you can do this if the command that controls the relay is a toggle. If it's an ON and an OFF, the second switch in the three-way circuit will make that be OFF (via the ON command) and ON (via the OFF command) whenever the second switch has been thrown.
If the controller won't simply toggle, you'll never know the status of the controller so you can switch to the other status, unless the second switch can be seen at all times. If it'll toggle, you'll know by looking at the lights whether you want to send a toggle command to it.
The relay must be double throw. Look at the schematic of the relay and of a 3-way wiring setup to see why.