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Match.com Acquires Harmony in Market Expansion Scheme
Posted by Daniel Tonks on April 1, 2013 at 7:06 AM
RC News Story
Match.com, the world’s largest online dating site, is dipping their toes into the consumer electronics market with today’s surprise announcement that they’ve completed the acquisition of Harmony.

HarmonyMatch.com According to the press release, the number one paid dating site was originally looking to purchase the number three dating site, eHarmony, however when an overzealous acquisitions manager spotted a deal he couldn’t refuse, Match.com found themselves the proud new owners of the popular Harmony line of activity-based remote controls. Logitech has been looking to divest their remote business since January 2013, after posting disappointing financial results.

Despite the potentially embarrassing gaffe, Match.com’s public relations coordinator Steve Lawrence says the deal will benefit both parties.

“We’re not going to let a missing ‘e’ stop us from innovating. Here at Match.com, we’ve already discovered a significant cross-demographic between our members and Logitech Harmony owners, and are currently working on ways to improve our dating matching algorithm by integrating the electronics owned by both parties into our results. For example, a woman who buys exclusively top-of-the-line Sony products, might not be the best match for a man who shows no brand loyalty whatsoever.”

When asked how Logitech Harmony owners will benefit from the merger, Lawrence states that later this year the company will begin offering a new HarmonyMatch™ system that uses the Match.com dating algorithms to advise owners on the most compatible electronics for their existing entertainment systems.

Says Lawrence, “There’s nothing worse than buying a new television or DVD player and finding it doesn’t work with stuff you already own. Our HarmonyMatch™ system will compare the inputs and outputs of your current equipment, analyze how everything is hooked up and how often each device is used, take into account operation methods and potential hardware incompatibles ... and will then advise on up to six new or replacement devices guaranteed to promote a more harmonious and fulfilling activity-based experience.”

Although the new equipment matching system is still in development, Lawrence says early results have already been surprising.

“For some reason, the Match.com algorithms are refusing to pair HDMI-enabled devices with other HDMI-enabled devices, claiming it would result in a ‘volatile and unproductive relationship’. We’re still trying to work out whether the problem lies in our system, or with HDMI in general.”

Other sources within Match.com reveal that not everything about the merger has gone smoothly. An unfortunate database mix-up last week resulted in a 29-year-old woman in Anaheim, CA, being inadvertently matched with a SpeakerCraft Nirv in Riverside. The woman reports their first date as “promising... until he went to use the washroom and never came back.”

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Comments
Good One, You almost had me for a second...
Very clever. Love it!
Hahaha

I just came back to poke around and ask a q about my (now obsolete?) Harmony, and see THIS!!

I almost plotzed!


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