First off this is a long term (12 months ) projects at the most . We just got our new home and I am ready to automate. I want to do as much as I can myself, I am a novice but did manage to set up a urc 3000 with no issues. I learn quickly and at times somewhat enjoy this stuff. I am working on a budget of about $6k for everything done. I think I will use Zwave and Insteon as my system . Here is what I want to do.
• Lights

• Fans
• control lawn sprinkler system
• turn on and control ac
• outdoor camera
• 6 zones audio/video
• Alarm system
• VPN Access
• Voice control
• Garage door

• Pool System

curtains

Touch panels

The system has to be with Wife friendly and secure. I have done some research and come up empty handed on this, but I would like to maybe have a system that is not networked based if possible( Security reasons), I just can't find any info on these systems.
If I have to settle for an Networked/ IP based system what would you guys recommend? And how secure can they be?
What are some of hardware I will be needing? I have some written down ,but I am sure I am missing a lot ( light switch, fans Controllers).
I would like to keep power usage on all equipment as low as possible.Can that be done?
What DIY software is best recommended?

I really appreciate all the help that you guys give . Will use green font to update original thread, so that all can see the different things taking place.. Wish me luck

Z-Wave and Insteon can handle pretty much everything you want to do but it depends on your controller/interface more than anything.  If it wasn't for integrated A/V control that you were looking for, I would suggest Vera, but since Vera is IR transmit only, then your next best bet is Homeseer, unless you are ok with that as it is alot cheaper way to go over homeseer.  HS3 is a software based HA system that you will need a ZTroller or a Zee interface to get you started with Z-Wave devices and for Insteon you will need an Insteon Modem.  We sell both the HS3 program plus the z-wave interfaces as well as Insteon products in our store.

This is a network based system though, I am not an expert in that regard, but am not aware of any HA system that does not use a network or can be isolated except for Vera which I know can work without the internet.

As far as hardware goes for your devices, Z-Wave and Insteon will have you covered for everything you need as per your list, and we should have everything in our store.  Please feel free to contact us if you want specific links to model numbers for the devices you need for each application, there are over 900 z-wave devices made now and over 200 made for Insteon so there are alot of options.

Take a Look at Dali control , cheap reliable and been around for 20 years, and is just coming to the domestic world.