The next time you see a gadget, home theater component, etc. and wonder, "What were they thinking when they put that knob there, or made it work this way?", perhaps this insight into the minds of engineers will help you to understand! ;-P (tongue in cheek)

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Comprehending Engineers - Take One

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said "Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said "Take what you want."

The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

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Comprehending Engineers - Take Two

To the optimist, the glass is half full.

To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty.

To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

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Comprehending Engineers - Take Three

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.

The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"

The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him."

[dramatic pause]

"Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?

The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group
of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

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Comprehending Engineers - Take Four

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?

Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.

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Comprehending Engineers - Take Five

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.

One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."

Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."

The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

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Comprehending Engineers - Take Six

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet."

* Scott Adams, The Dilbert Principle

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Comprehending Engineers - Take Seven

An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess". He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

These and others are posted on our web site: www.silvers.org. Enjoy!

Michael


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Scientists think that equations approximate the real world. Engineers think that the real world approximates equations. Mathematicians are unable to make the connection....


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A Mathematician, a Biologist and a Physicist are sitting in a street cafe watching people going in and coming out of the house on the other side of the street. First they see two people going into the house. Time passes. After a while they notice three persons coming out of the house. The Physicist: "The measurement wasn't accurate." The Biologist's conclusion: "They have reproduced." The Mathematician: "If now exactly 1 person enters the house, it will be empty again."


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Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, "It had to be a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No; the nervous system has billions of electrical connections. A system that complex must have been designed by an electrical engineer." The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"


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An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are shown a pasture with a herd of sheep, and told to put them inside the smallest possible amount of fence.

The engineer is first. He herds the sheep into a circle and then puts the fence around them, declaring, "A circle will use the least fence for a given area, so this is the best solution."

The physicist is next. She creates a circular fence of infinite radius around the sheep, and then draws the fence tight around the herd, declaring, "This will give the smallest circular fence around the herd."

The mathematician is last. After giving the problem a little thought, he puts a small fence around himself and then declares, "I define myself to be on the outside!"


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In some foreign country, a priest, a lawyer and an engineer are about to be guillotined. The priest puts his head on the block, they pull the rope and the blade comes racing down, but mysteriously stops just short of his head. He declares that he's been saved by divine intervention, so he's let go. The lawyer is put on the block, and again the blade stops just short. He claims he can't be executed twice for the same crime, and he is set free as well. As they grab the engineer and shove his head into the guillotine, he looks up and says, "I think I see your problem...."


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An engineer, a mathematician, and a physicist go to the races one Saturday and lay their money down. Commiserating in the bar after the race, the engineer says, "I don't understand why I lost all my money. I measured all the horses and calculated their strength and mechanical advantage and figured out how fast they could run..."

The physicist interrupts him: "...but you didn't take individual variations into account. I did a statistical analysis of their previous performances and bet on the horses with the highest probability of winning..."

"...So if you're so hot, why are you broke?" asks the engineer.

But before the argument can grow, the mathematician takes out his pipe and they get a glimpse of his well-fattened wallet. Obviously, here is a man who knows something about horses. They both demand to know his secret. "Well," he says, between puffs on the pipe, "first I assumed all the horses were identical and spherical..."

My wife of 29 years is a mechanical engineer. I haven't figured her out entirely at this point, and not that I ever will, but this helps!

"Three years ago I couldn't spell Engineer, now I are one."