So, you speak of twice removing your third cousin. Perhaps, did this cousin cause you some emotional pain in your youth that you have repressed to the point where (since you now appear to be remembering it) you wish not only to do away with this person, but you insist on doing it twice? It seems you are approaching this analytically, from the Left Side of your Brain. Have you had these thoughts long . . . have you dwelled on them excessively . . . plotted, planned.......savored the delicious feeling of completing the act yourself? When you are looking up that hill, are you looking up Jack's pants and feel disappointed that they fit so snugly to his well muscled legs that you can see nothing but the merest suggestion of the bulges caused by his muscles? Or are you equally as disappointed that Jill is wearing knickers, albeit they are the purest white silk with a wispy fringe of Chantilly Lace?

Understand . . . I am only trying to help you here, Dave.

My apologies for the late reply but I had to refer your post to Professor Moorovich Hentonov at the Moscow Institute of Psychiatric Research.

Like me he is extremely interested (concerned) at your delusional fantasises that manifest themselves after your reading of a simple sentence. He wants to know if you’d be willing to help him in his research; i.e. answer a few questions?

Why sointenly..........we'd be glad to!

"Why certainly, glad to be of service...
what amateurish attempt on my person,
being a genius certainly has it's
advantages"

Edmund . . . I do believe you must be from a parallel universe or something. I pride myself on coming out of left field as often as possible. But dude . . . you're givin' me a run for the money, let me tell ya!

I still haven't figgered out your email completely!!

Welcome aboard.

By-the-by, do they allow diagonal parking in your universe? I have to douple park in mine and running back and forth to move it out of the way is hell on the old gas card..

What!? Someone else that needs a piccie of a cheese 'n' pickle doorstep? Oh the culinary delights of middle England.

Well, if we gotta keep John, then you can just keep all of your "culinary delights"! No offense, John!.

Doorsteps, spotted dicks, penguins, bangers, haggis, Clotted Cream, Kidney Pies, Flakes, Crunchies and "Digestives" (whatever the Hell they are). Damn . . . and I was going to eat dinner.........I think I'll wait awhile.

Ah, I spy a blind spot in your education. Pray allow me to elucidate.

Cheese 'n' Pickle Doorsteps = A BIG cheese and pickle sandwich.

Spotted Dick = A type of suet pudding that has brandy soaked dried fruit in it. (Note. To add an extra kick I use the liquor from the soaking fruit to bind the flour and suet).

Penquins = A type of chocolate biscuit (cookie).

Bangers = Sausages.

Haggis = Nowt to do with me. I'm English.

Clotted Cream = A type of cream that's, er, clotted.

Kidney Pies = Perhaps you're thinking of Steak and Kidney Pies. (Note. The kidney is diced fine so that it "melts" away during cooking to form a rich gravy within the pie).

Flakes = A chocolate bar that is, er, flakey.

Crunchie = A chocolate bar that is, er, crunchy.

Digestives = Another type of biscuit. (Also available in a chocolate variety).

Now you can go and eat.

Digestives, I always thought it was a drink you have after a meal :-)

Anthony, that's an Apéritif.

However, a 'digestive' sounds to me like it has something to do with Lewis Carroll's "Through the Looking Glass":

Di - Symbol for didymium - A mixture of rare-earth elements and oxides used chiefly in manufacturing and coloring various forms of glass.

gest - A tale of achievements or adventures; a stock story. A notable adventure or exploit.

IVE - Immersive Virtual Environments

didymium (n) A supposed element discovered in 1841, later resolved into neodymium and praseodymium. [Gr didymos twin, from its constant association with lanthanum]

Yeah . . . so, your point is?

Hang on. I haven't finished yet.

Apéritif: is the one you have before
Like in APpetite
Digestive: is the one you have after to help DIGest

I would think MIKE the Bar man would know that :-)

Mea Culpa

Maybe, a bit too much time there.