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Page 16 of 35
Topic:
Jokes, Witticisms, Anecdotes, etc.
This thread has 512 replies. Displaying posts 226 through 240.
Post 226 made on Wednesday August 7, 2002 at 04:40
MrKlaatu
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Oh yeah . . . sure, just let me hold my breath........for a second . . . at the MOST ! ! !
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Post 227 made on Wednesday August 7, 2002 at 09:51
DanW
Long Time Member
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Where have all your parents gone and why have they left you alone? You all need some supervision! lol.
Post 228 made on Wednesday August 7, 2002 at 11:41
Anthony
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You all would be pretty damned sad if I never talked again. Taht's all I have to say!

no.
(then again you don't need to talk to type a post :-))
...
Post 229 made on Wednesday August 7, 2002 at 12:52
DanW
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I can really feel the love in this thread
Post 230 made on Wednesday August 7, 2002 at 14:16
djy
RC Moderator
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On 08/06/02 19:05.12, Cyber Vixen said...
Piffle!

Not allowed to use this either. My word, so there!

Piffle!©djy
Post 231 made on Wednesday August 7, 2002 at 16:46
djy
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From a little book called "Disorder in the Court". They're things people actually said (allegedly) in court, word for word.

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

Q: This myasthenia gravis-- does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

Q: How old is your son-- the one living with you.
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when woke that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

Q: And where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximately milepost 499.
Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.

Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.

Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
A: After the accident?
Q: Before the accident.
A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in the voodoo or occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.

Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?
A: Yes.
Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: What did she say?
A: What disco am I at?

Recently reported in the Massachusetts Bar Association Lawyers journal, the following are questions actually asked of witnesses by attorneys during trials and, in certain cases, the responses given by insightful witnesses:

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?

Q: Did he kill you?

Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?

Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?

Q: How many times have you committed suicide?

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

Q: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
A: I went to Europe, Sir.
Q: And you took your new wife?

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m..
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.




This message was edited by djy on 08/07/02 16:48.23.
Post 232 made on Wednesday August 7, 2002 at 16:55
DanW
Long Time Member
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Oral
Post 233 made on Wednesday August 7, 2002 at 16:56
djy
RC Moderator
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You actually read it?
Post 234 made on Wednesday August 7, 2002 at 17:04
DanW
Long Time Member
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Oh, I have lots of time on my hands dj. The whacked out threads in this forum give me something to amuse myself with. As well as the people! lol

This message was edited by DanW on 08/07/02 17:05.51.
Post 235 made on Wednesday August 7, 2002 at 17:09
djy
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Uh oh! Another Mike type.
Post 236 made on Wednesday August 7, 2002 at 17:10
DanW
Long Time Member
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Okay, i wouldn't go that far
Post 237 made on Wednesday August 7, 2002 at 17:12
Larry Fine
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On 08/07/02 16:55.27, DanW said...
Oral

Rectal
Post 238 made on Wednesday August 7, 2002 at 18:08
bob griffiths
Founding Member
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whacked out one to amuse myself Danw. i'll go blind with the drink as well they beter start training the guide dog
Post 239 made on Wednesday August 7, 2002 at 21:43
MrKlaatu
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7,749
Oral . . . definitely, oral . . . of course I don't have my underwear . . . I'm definitely not wearing my underwear..it's not my underwear.
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Post 240 made on Wednesday August 7, 2002 at 22:06
bob griffiths
Founding Member
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they fake dt by putting there hand there who they kidding?
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