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Topic:
Favorite Steven Wright sayings
This thread has 12 replies. Displaying all posts.
Post 1 made on Thursday September 8, 2011 at 14:09
goodnf
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October 2002
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I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

One time I went to a museum where all the work had been done by children. They had all the paintings on refrigerators.

When I was crossing the border coming back from Canada, they said, "Do you have any firearms?"
I said, "What do you need?"

Last edited by goodnf on July 11, 2012 13:34.
I'm just a sheep in wolf's clothing...
Post 2 made on Saturday September 10, 2011 at 14:36
Neurorad
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I drive way too fast to worry about my cholesterol.
TB A+ Partner
Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense. -Buddha
Post 3 made on Saturday December 31, 2011 at 23:04
bradpuddephatt
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57
I have a large seashell collection, which I keep scattered over the beaches of the earth.





I'm a peripheral visionary. I see everything, just way off to the side.
Post 4 made on Monday January 2, 2012 at 20:34
bennettavi
Active Member
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August 2003
673
I was told I couldnt have a dog in my 2nd floor apartment, so I bought a horse. Sometimes, I like to ride him into the kitchen and make a sandwich.
Post 5 made on Tuesday January 10, 2012 at 13:34
Neurorad
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I'm having an MRI next week. They're testing me for claustrophobia.
TB A+ Partner
Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense. -Buddha
Post 6 made on Tuesday January 10, 2012 at 20:57
highfigh
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7,801
"I have a life-size map of the World".
My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
Post 7 made on Friday January 27, 2012 at 22:24
bradpuddephatt
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I got kicked out of a casino after having a heated argument at the roullette table over what I considered an "odd" number.
Post 8 made on Wednesday March 28, 2012 at 14:12
Andrea Whitlock
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June 1999
1,209
I don't match socks by colors. I go by thickness.
OP | Post 9 made on Wednesday July 11, 2012 at 13:36
goodnf
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1,744
I bought some used paint. It came in the shape of a house.
I'm just a sheep in wolf's clothing...
Post 10 made on Tuesday September 11, 2012 at 13:12
Neurorad
Super Member
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2,988
I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.
TB A+ Partner
Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense. -Buddha
Post 11 made on Tuesday January 29, 2013 at 01:42
BigWood
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January 2004
2,727
if man evolved from apes,........why do we still have apes
Do they speak English on What?
Post 12 made on Friday June 28, 2019 at 19:25
Dave Jent
Junior Member
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June 2019
2
I accidentally put my car key in the lock of my apartment door. The whole building started up.
Post 13 made on Sunday August 11, 2019 at 15:49
FunHouse Texas
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June 2013
587
I'm not afraid of Heights - I'm afraid of widths..
I AM responsible for typographical errors!
I have all the money I will ever need - unless i buy something..


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