This is allegedly an actual job application that a 75 year old pensioner
submitted to B&Q in Tunbridge Wells.
They hired him because he was so funny.....


NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Bastard)

SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who
will cooperate)

DESIRED POSITION: Company's Chief Executive or Managing Director. But
seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I
wouldn't be applying in the first place – would I?

DESIRED SALARY: £150,,000 a year plus share options and a Tony Blair style
redundancy package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can
haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and
post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It was a crap job.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more
intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP
TO 50 lbs.?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do
you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a
winner of the Reader's Digest Timeshare Free Holiday Offer, so they tell
me.

DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no!
On my breaks - yes!

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with
a fabulously wealthy Swedish supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing
since sliced bread.
Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

NEAREST RELATIVE....7 miles

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR
KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely

Stranger things have happened, but it is funny nonetheless! :-)

I'd like to believe he got the job!

I've been to B&Q in Tunbridge Wells - they need someone funny. Actually a plain and simple smile from time to time would have been nice. And whatever you do - don't ask them about wind turbines!

At these prices I think I'll pass . . . wind!

LOL

Still $AU 1,000 cheaper that what I have been looking at; like here

Wouldn't you be better with one of these?

I once read the production process in terms of energy required in making solar panels is far more than the panel will produce in its lifetime so they are not really an eviromentally sound product...is this true?

Good question. This site [Link: ecoworld.com] says No, but for every "no" there are other sites agreeing with what you heard.


LOL

I'd like to know how you get hold of my family photos :-). The sheep is old now and can't generate the energy we need - just kiddin'