Wow. Let's try this again.

I had a customer once tell me after handing him his final invoice that I was "warm frogging him". I Did not know what that meant. He told me that if you threw a frog into a pot of boiling water, he would jump out but if you threw a frog in warm water and slowly turned up the heat, He would stay there until he died. He told me I was Warm Frogging Him.

"This is a great system and all, but we're a church and don't have much money in the budget for this," (mega-church), "What's Jesus' price?"

I replied that when Jesus shows up to negotiate I'll cut him a deal. Man, I don't miss retail.

"I know [the] [owner], we go back a long way".  (sorry [the] [owner] is a fictitious business name, besides I'm the owner)

"I bought it here and it never worked right." (we never sold any of those brands)

"It's still under warranty because I just mailed in the card." (for a unit that predates time)

"I don't need a receipt, I'll be paying cash." (implying no sales tax and a huge discount and I should simply pocket all of the cash). One customer always paid cash, no receipt, and I suspected that if the wrong people found out where he lived there would be a national news story, or if the deal went south, we would be part of that story, but he was always nice to us)

"...but it was 'state-of-the-art' when I bought it!"

I would have asked what he drives and if it's any kind of higher-end car, I'd throw that in his face.

I had a church call me a few days ago to service their system. I didn't even call them back. Figured I'd save myself the aggravation before it ever starts.

"WOW, that looks impressive" says the owner of the business as he walks by while I am dressing out the rack. "While I have you here I need you to come out to the house and do some upgrades"
We are doing that now, no questions asked, just do it.

Quotes of the day can be good too!

Client: "Wow, so many wires! How do you know where they all go?"

Me: "I just connect a bunch and hope for the best."

Client: "How did you learn how to do all this?"

Me: "This is my first time. I'm just shooting from the hip"

Have used that multiple times. Usually gets a laugh.

When I worked as a slot technicatin. I got all of those comments...

"If you drop a coin, I'll give you a tip." When I was working in a slot machine with $100.00 coins. Of course that was when casinos still used coins.

"Can you flip the switch to make it win." Must of heard that a million times.

As a tech, I would receive a players card to download money to the machine. This was to make sure that it was working and such. In order for the accounting to keep track of MY spending, rather than a customers spending. I had to insert an employee card. which happened to be bright red. So customers would see it. And Murphy's Law states that when I played with money that did not belong to me, I would win all the time. And win I did, the most that I've won on a signal spin was over $50,000.00. I believe that was on a $5.00 machine. Anyways, when a regular would see that. "Oh can I borrow that red card? It seems to bring you luck." Or "Take that damn card out, it's making that machine cold!!!!"

Then there were customers who did not want me, as an employee, next to them. Despite the fact that I was working a machine for another customer. Even if it was their wife or husband.

The best comment though...

I was working on a bank of slant top games. These are games that sit directly on the floor and weight over 400lbs. Anyways, I was reaching into the game when I over heard the lady on my left talk loudly with her husband who was at the next bank to my right. He was saying how the machine wouldn't take his money. She was patient enough for me to wait until I removed my body from the game. "Excuse me sir, would you mind helping my husband when you're done?" "Sure not a problem." I looked over at him and watched him put the money into the slot for the printer. "Sir, wrong hole. You want the one on the other side." He turns around and looks at me with that "huh" look. So I pointed to the other hole. "Oh.. that one."

Then the wife leans into me... "I've told him that many of times before."

KOT

So I'm working on a guys house. This house is way more expensive than this guy should be able to afford (I'm speculating of course but I know this guy through another client and what he "does for a living" and if that's all he does, he can't afford this house).

The first deposit he gives me a cheque for, about $18k. It bounces and he is very apologetic. He says it was the wrong account and the next day he gives me a brick of cash.

Later in the job it was time to pay another payment. About $5k. He says I'll get you cash this after noon. He was there in the morning dressed casually. Lunch time comes around and he puts on a nice black suit. He tells me he he's got to go take care of some business and returns later with my cash in a brown paper bag.

I don't ask questions. Maybe I've seen too many movies. But people don't get dressed up to go to the bank and money doesn't come in brown paper bags.

I guess it's not really a quote is it. How about, "Do you take cash"?

Craig.

ROFL

Did she wink at you?

She was too busy rubbing my arm. lol

KOT

Any chance he is in Ft Lauderdale? If so, I saw his garage, and was surprised to learn there wasn't a pallet of cash sitting there to cover the bills. Next trip, I'm checking his personal office at his company.