OK, so obviously some folks misinterpreted my post above, thinking I was saying that praying for her isn't going to help her. Whatever my personal opinion on that, what I meant in my post is that *him watching the movie* isn't going to help her. It's really only going to help him, but that's why I suggested watching it, because I felt it would help him put some things into perspective.

This also

From Canada as well

Thank you everyone.

I'd like to think that prayers can help, and even if they do not, I am not going to lose hope simply because it will make it easier on myself. Hope is the one thing we can hang on to and until she is no longer with us, I will continue to hold out hope.

It's not about losing hope, it's just about accepting what comes. What will be will be. Maybe I'm overly logical about these things but I figure its either:

1. You believe in God and an afterlife. If she was a good person and it sounds like she was, then she will be in a lot better place than you when the time comes.
2. You believe that the lights just go out when we die, in which case all a person's pains and burdens end as well.

In either case, it would be better (if it's gotten to that point) to let them know that it's OK to let go, and that you accept that. Though we all naturally want to hold on to the people we love, we shouldn't put a burden on them to suffer more than they need to in order to help us avoid the pain of loss.

Maybe I'm just pissing off people even more now, but it's just that dying is not unnatural. It's the one thing we are all guaranteed to do at some point. You will die some day. Do you want your loved ones to suffer greatly when that day comes, or would you prefer that they celebrate your life as it was, accept your death as the natural course of events, and carry forward, not forgetting you but not letting your passing deprive them of enjoyment of the time that they themselves have left? I think I'd really prefer the latter.

Anyway, that's all I'm going to say about that, in order to avoid digging myself even deeper into a hole. But I do say these things in order to try to help, as best I know how.

I know YOU believe you are trying to help. Perhaps it's my fragile state of mind at the point but I read everything you said as completely insensitive under the circumstances. If even you believe that your own words could be pissing people off, maybe it's time to stop talking

There are different ways of viewing the world. I'm just explaining mine. I could have just ignored your thread, but I wanted to try to help. Lots of people share my type of view of things, and it has its' benefits. If it doesn't work for you, then of course just ignore it. It might have helped, but no way to know if I didn't bother to put it forward.

Cancer really sucks, no matter what form it's in. My girl friend had cervical cancer a few years ago. And it might be coming back right now.

We pray for you and your family as well sir.

KOT

Thank you. I hope everything turns out ok with your girlfriend as well. Cancer indeed sucks.

We just made the decision to postpone our wedding. We have been pushing to do that but her folks kept insisting we go on as planned. The date was set for early June but there is no way she will be strong enough by then. As much as it sucks to push the date back, I feel a level of relief as it takes something off our plate at this difficult time.

I used to look at death in the same way. It's part of the natural course of our existence so why be sad or angry about the inevitable. This all changed when i met my sisters dog. When he was hit by a car and died i was out of town at a job. I didn't work that day and i haven't been the same ever since. I have two dogs of my own now and i fear that horrible moment in the future when they will die. No matter what i try i just cant stop thinking about my sisters dog and how much i miss him. I don't think i will ever have children. I cant even imagine what it would be like to worry about them all the time.

It's a gigantic risk and responsibility, and I'm in awe of anyone who does it with a full understanding and appreciation of that. Of course it has compensating enormous benefits as well, and the odds (these days in the western world anyway) are pretty low that you will have to suffer that loss. But, I can definitely understand why someone would be terrified of taking the chance.

Adding to the challenge, you can't completely shelter them or they won't grow up fully realized adults. To do it right, you have to purposefully allow things that increase the risk. That would be a very tough line to walk.

And, you made me post again. We'll both probably get condemned for taking this thread OT. Though I think it's all sort of of a piece.

Dude seriously? Please just keep your thoughts to your self. Golden respectfully asked you to keep things to yourself. Please do so and leave this thread to us who will use this to be here for our fellow RCer and Friend Mike and his MIL.

Prayers going up daily

Dean, do you have aspergers? We had a guy work with us for a while that was on the low end spectrum and qualified as aspergers. He never knew when to shut up or how to consider someone else's feelings. And no matter what, if he had an opinion, he had to express it, even in rare cases he knew it was insensitive.

Most of the time I avoid replying to these threads because I'm concerned even my sincere condolences may come out as uncaring. But now I don't think I'll have to worry about that again.

The last post was just a response to someone else who posted a reply to me, and just between the two of us. Everything else was purely just an attempt to put forward a view of the world that might be useful for someone dealing with this situation. It's actually a very reasonable, very practical point of view, and a lot of people find it comforting as well. If you don't agree with it, fine. But don't act like I'm some sort of a-hole for trying to present it to someone who might have also found it comforting (or trying to explain to him why I felt he was misinterpreting it.)

But, fine, I will now absent myself from RC so as to avoid possible sharing of my point of view.