Hopefully Aunt Betty picked up that $999 dollar remote from an authorized dealer. Simply call her and explain to her that this very generous gift she purchased for you believe it or not needs a certain level of support that authorized purchases can give you.
If not why can't you simply learn the codes in? Or, like Bobli said, try the older models. Your talking about two pieces of equipment that have very consistent codesets throughout the lines. For example, the HR21 is exactly the same as the HR20. The 3 digit series are pretty much the same across the board, and th PS3 stuff is plastered all over the web.
To answer your question, the only way to get the latest IRDB is with the latest software update. That is the one and only way. And just so you know, putting it up on Ebay and "getting another brand" is not going to make things easier for you in regard to getting codes. URC seems more dedicated than ever in maintaining the line through authorized chanels. They pay a lot of people good money to plug IR codes all day so hopefully this came from an authorized dealer and you can clear this up.
By the way, you get good gifts - all I get is a tie or a sweater every year...