If your really having this much trouble getting it... what do you think its going to be like when you need to service the unit?

If you cant find a dealer whos willing to DIY-IT (sell it to you @ retail, honor the warranty, give you access to the software) for you.. your setting yourself up for a nightmare down the road.

Find a "high end" B&M (brick and mortar) retail place near you and plead your case. The CI who thinks your stealing food from his kids mouth by not paying him for programming is the CI you dont want to deal with. Keep trying till you find a guy who understands your willing to pay retail for the product but you want to tinker with the programming yourself.