to my loving wife...
Remember; Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

Statistically 100% of all divorces started with marriage!

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.

Marriage is a 3-ring circus: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.

The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" I said,
"Dust!"

In the beginning, God created earth and rested.
Then God created man and rested.
Then God created woman.
Since then, neither God nor man has rested.

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking
they had no faults at all.

If you want your wife to listen and pay undivided attention to every word you
say, talk in your sleep.

Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I
got married; and then it was too late."

Q: How do most men define marriage?
A: An expensive way to get laundry done for free.