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Post 22 made on Tuesday November 27, 2007 at 04:52
RC Moderator
August 2001
Tommy Cooper?

Doctor, Doctor! I can't stop stealing things.
Take these pills for a week; if that doesn't work I'll have a color TV!

Doctor, Doctor! What can I do? I think I'm a pair of curtains?
Pull yourself together man!

Doctor, Doctor! I think I'm a bridge?
What's come over you?
Oh, two cars, a large truck and a coach.

Doctor, Doctor! I think I'm god?
How did that start?
In the beginning there was darkness......

Doctor, Doctor! Every bone in my body aches!
Just be glad you aren't a herring!

Doctor, Doctor! Can I have second opinion?
Of course, come back tomorrow!

Doctor, Doctor! I think I've broken my neck?
Don't worry - keep your chin up!

Doctor, Doctor! My daughter has just swallowed my pen - what shall I do?
Use a pencil!

Doctor, Doctor! What can I do? Everyone thinks I'm a liar?
I find that very hard to believe!

Doctor, Doctor! I feel like a pack of cards?
I'll deal with you later!

Doctor, Doctor! You've got to help me - I just can't stop my hands shaking!
Do you drink a lot?
Not really - I spill most of it!

Doctor, Doctor! I feel like a spoon?
Still still and don't stir!

Doctor, Doctor! Every time I drink a cup of coffee I get this stabbing pain in my eye!
I suggest you take the spoon out!

Doctor, Doctor! My irregular heartbeat is really frightening me.
Don't worry - we'll soon put a stop to it!

Doctor, Doctor! I've just swallowed my mouth organ
Well look on the bright side, at least you weren't playing a grand piano!

Doctor, Doctor! I think I'm a bell?
Take these and if it doesn't help give me a ring!

Doctor, Doctor! I think I'm a cat?
How long has this been going on?
Oh, since I was a kitten I guess!

Doctor, Doctor! I've got insomnia
Just sit on the edge of the bed. You'll soon drop off!

Doctor, Doctor! Is there anything wrong with my heart?
After a thorough examination I can confidently say it will last as long as you do!!

Doctor, Doctor! I've got wind! Can you give me something?
Yes - here's a kite!

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