In response to the being happy thing... Don't underestimate the contribution that extreme feelings of inadequacy and desire to 'show them all' have made to all our lives. A lot of what we have came from people with serious emotional issues, and they achieved what they did because of them. Not that I want to be one of those people, but we all benefit from their problems and their attempts to compensate for them by practically sacrificing their lives.

Wait, what I am I talking about. I AM one of those people. Well, not quite. I don't have any desire to 'show them all' that I'm really better than them, and whatever feelings of inadequacy I have don't drive me to sit that the computer day after day. But, nonetheless, I have a strong drive to achieve something great, even though I firmly believe it's completely meaningless within the context of the bigger picture.

So I don't even have a good explanation for why I do it, but clearly I can't be completely healthy to have sacrificed most of my adult life to create something. And I certainly hope to get a big payoff from it. But I definitely see that as a means, not an end.