I agree with a lot of what longshot16 and total control said. I would also say that some of the features you are looking for are only available from dealer protected lines provided by custom a/v installers. And getting software and support will be tough.

I think if you were willing to narrow down the feature set and remove rf control and a handheld remote that iRule might end up being your best option.

And while you find it annoying to have to call someone to make adjustments to the programming we are all trying to make a living and our time is valuable, which means we deserve to get paid for it.

To put it bluntly what you are looking for doesnt exist.